


Affirmations of Personal Growth

by Carole (kronos999), killaria



Category: Angel: the Series, Highlander - All Media Types, The X-Files
Genre: Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-04-15
Updated: 2001-04-15
Packaged: 2018-11-21 00:25:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,224
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11346198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kronos999/pseuds/Carole, https://archiveofourown.org/users/killaria/pseuds/killaria
Summary: These are a group of snippets that came from the "Affirmations Of Personal Growth" that was posted on the AngelXover Slash mailing list. Don't look for plot or order or sense.





	Affirmations of Personal Growth

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

Affirmations Of Personal Growth by Carole and Killaria

Affirmations Of Personal Growth  
by Carole and Killaria  
Email: Carole - , Killaria -   
Website: http://kronos999.homestead.com/Fanfic.html  
Pairing: Angel/Methos; Angel/Alex Krycek and Wesley/Gunn  
Note: These are a group of snippets that came from the "Affirmations Of Personal Growth" that was posted on the AngelXover Slash mailing list. Don't look for plot or order or sense.  
Rating: R (language)  
Disclaimer: Not ours, not even the affirmations. Whoever wrote them, you have our gratitude. We are just borrowing.

* * *

* * *  
Story 1  
* * *

\+ + I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain. + +

Pain hit Cordelia like a ton, no, make that two tons, of bricks. As usual, it was cryptic and difficult to understand.

"Pain killers! Give me pain killers!" she yelled at her compatriots. Flopping down on the chair as gracefully as possible, she wiped at watery eyes.

"What did you see?" Angel asked.

"Pain killers first. Thank you!" she exclaimed as Wesley handed her a pair of pills and a glass of water which she promptly swallowed. Nobody really appreciated what she went through with these visions.

"Okay." She steadied herself. "I saw a man leaving a bar. When he went outside he was attacked by a pack of demons. They were blue, I think. It was kind of hard to tell, since it was dark. Anyway, they didn't just kill him, but dragged him off to some guy who cut off his head with a sword."

Angel obviously had a few questions about details."What bar? Think back, did you see a sign..."

"You try thinking when someone is stabbing a pair of scissors through your eyes and stomping on your head. Fine, give me a second..."

* * *

\+ + I will strive to live each day as if it were my 200th birthday. + +

The nightly visitations had ceased upon his arrival in the city. *No more demons for me,* Methos thought.*I'm definitely going out to celebrate.*

And what better way was there to celebrate than going out for a beer or three. He hadn't had a chance to do that in a while without his 'brother' Kronos showing up and pestering him. Plus, it was Benjamin Adams' birthday, not that Methos ever needed an excuse for beer.

* * *

\+ + I am at one with my duality. + +

It was annoying to have to trudge out into the darkness after every man who left the bar, but how else was he supposed to see if they were going to the victim that the Powers had warned him about?

And some of them had the strangest ideas about *why* he was following them. That had not been a pleasant experience, best not to think about it.

Well, Angel supposed he could have stood outside and waited, and while that was a sensible way of doing things, that also meant that he would lose his view of that *interesting* man sitting two tables over. Both his demon and better half were drooling internally and telling him to go over and introduce himself, but Angel knew that with his luck, that would be the exact moment that the demon would strike. He drummed his fingers impatiently on the table.

The object of his distraction rose some minutes later and settled his coat carefully, almost as if it contained some heavy objects. It appeared that Angel wasn't the only one with a taste for trench coats. *Well, looks like he's leaving. I guess I'll just have to follow him.*

* * *

\+ + As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun. + +

They grabbed him as he walked passed the alley. Methos could only conclude that all those years when he hadn't seen any demons were being made up for now. He managed a swipe at a few of them, forcing them back, but he knew he was in trouble. *I suppose being surrounded by five green guys in black leather can count as trouble.* The universe was toying with him, he just knew it, getting rid of one demon and then supplying another.

Suddenly, his rescuer appeared. It had been that man who had been eyeing him inside. He'd wondered if he was going to introduce himself and had considered taking the it into his own hands, except he kept vanishing mysteriously every time he meant to go over. Fate, again, he supposed, not that he believed in such things.

They turned on the man, actually, since his eyes were now glowing yellow, it was more likely a demon. His savior was taking them out, but he was badly outnumbered. *Well, I guess I can distract them. One demon is better than five.*

When he had woken up this morning, he had known that this would be a beautiful day. He'd just had a utterly clear feeling that, if he wanted to, he could walk around unarmed. This made him immediately suspicious. He pulled out his gun and shot the remaining demon in the back. It jerked and his rescuer used the opportunity to finish him off, then leaned against the wall and looked at the gun quizzically.

"If you had been in my shoes for the past month you'd carry one too. I think I've lost my faith in the order of the universe."

* * *

\+ + The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working. + +

"It has to be Wolfram and Hart. There's no other explanation."

"Angel, are you feeling alright? Nothing about this points to them at all." In the past few weeks since he had known the vampire, he'd noticed a certain obsession towards the law firm. Angel hadn't bothered to tell him where it stemmed from, but the old man was willing to guess that it was a number of factors. Still, they weren't responsible for everything that went wrong in the world. "They aren't responsible for everything," he said, stating his inner commentary.

"I know, but it's just too perfect. They have to be involved."

"They can't be everywhere."

Angel raised his eyebrow in a 'you doubt me?' gesture. "Wait 'til you've been here a bit longer. You'll start to see things my way. It's the only way to catch them in the act."

* * *

\+ + Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me a minute...I'll find someone. + +

Angel. Lindsey hated that name with a loathing he couldn't put into words. It was entirely his fault. In fact, everything was his fault. The worst part was, he wasn't allowed to have him eliminated and, as tempting as it was to destroy his little friends, that would just make him fight them all the harder. Now, the Senior Partners wanted him to try to bring that new guy, Benjamin Adams, over to their side. As usual, they didn't have any suggestions about how to accomplish this amazing feat.

*Not only does he cut off my hand, he causes the death of my boss and colleges. I got promoted, but thanks to him, its most likely to lead to my death. Not only that, Lilah survived.*

How Angel always managed to link everything back to Wolfram and Hart was something he didn't understand. The last time they had been so careful about leaving no trails. Even that seer didn't explain this. Angel definitely through a wrench in Special Project operations. Lindsey shook his head to clear it. It was going to be one hell of a day.

* * *

\+ + To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting. + +

"I suppose I could wish you a happy Valentine's Day."

Angel nodded. "I suppose."

"But I think talking is overrated." Methos nuzzled Angel's neck, alternating between bites and soothing licks of his tongue. He lifted his face in front of the vampire's. "Or maybe I was just too cheap to get you a real present." That wonderful mouth went down and suckled at one of Angel's nipples. Angel let out a disappointed moan. "You don't mind, do you?"

It was difficult to work up the coherence for an actual answer. The vampire settled for a low growl.

"That's what I thought."

* * *  
Interlude  
* * *

\+ + I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts more. + +

"Angel!" Merl hated it when he did that. It was very unnerving to have a vampire sneak up on you. *I wonder what it is this time.* There was no good business in this town. Everyone just figured that if they hurt him enough that he would do as they wanted. It was true, but Merl was thinking of moving out, going somewhere knew, somewhere where he would actually get paid. "So, what can I do for you, man?"

Angel handed him a picture or a blonde man in the company of one the lawyers from Wolfram and Hart. Merl swallowed. This was bad news.

"I want you to find out all you can about him," Angel was saying.

"Nope. No can do, man. This guy is bad business. If he ever finds out that it was me..."

"Who is he?" Angel got right up in his face. "You know what I'll do to you if you don't tell me." Merl knew only too well. Angel was an expert at improvisational persuasion techniques. They were never pleasant to be on the wrong side on.

Merl did the only thing he could. He gave in. "Fine. Consider this one free. Not that you ever pay me," he continued in a muttered breath. "Words getting around that he's a bounty hunter, or at least that's what he says, but he's got a job with Wolfram and Hart eliminating big competition. You KNOW the ones I'm talking about. This guy is dangerous, he kills things like us for a living. Got himself the nickname Death up in St. Louis. That's all I know. That's all I want to know. I'm small fry, too easy, but I've heard from a few guys that he's been killing some of us for fun too, if we're in the wrong place at the wrong time."

He hoped Angel believed him. He didn't want to be on the receiving end while the vampire refined his information gathering techniques again.

* * *

\+ + Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than 'I told you so.' + +

"Are you sure we shouldn't wait for Angel?" Cordy asked. It was all well and good that Wesley and Gunn wanted to be all manly and take on the Dozen by themselves, but she would feel much more comfortable with the vampire backing them up.

"We can't," Wesley stated. "Who knows when we'll be able to track it down again." The two men advanced on the doorway and what lay beyond it.

"It is slimy and, well, big. I'm not sure this is a good idea."

"Cordelia, will you please be quiet. Now would not be a good time to be distracted."

"Fine, have it your way."

\+ + +

"What happened to you two?" Angel stared at Wesley and Gunn who were attired in torn clothing and covered in slime and bruises. Wesley was sporting a growing black eye. "They didn't go after it alone, did they?"

Cordelia put on a superior air. "I told them to wait, but did they listen?" The men glared at her. "I did. Tell you, that is. It is not my fault. Next time maybe you should pay more attention."

* * *

\+ + To understand all is to fear all. + +

"Wesley, what did you find?"

It was times like this Wesley hated the fact he was fluent in so many dead languages. Sometimes it was better not to know. Not knowing certainly made for more restful nights of sleep than realizing that the world was probably going to end tomorrow at around tea.

"Um, well, we have about two hours to prevent an obscure demonic order from setting off a chain reaction which will trigger our universe into blending with their own. Unfortunately, it gets worse..."

* * *

\+ + I am not confused. I just don't understand what you said perfectly. + +

"You white dudes sure have funny ideas of dates."

"We're not on a date. We are here to research." The library was a large old building, filled to the brim with the knowledge of the ages. Unfortunately, this meant that they had to search down this knowledge. Gunn wasn't helping very much.

"It sure sounded like a date when you asked me out."

Wesley sighed, though internally he was enjoying himself. It would be much more boring without him. "You would know if I asked you on a date. It would sound something like 'Gunn, do you want to go slay some vampires?' not 'Gunn, would you like to go to the library?'"

"I don't know." Gunn sounded doubtful, although Wesley could easily hear a wicked chuckle beneath the words. "You British guys are strange. That could be a date in British talk."

"Why are you so hung up on this being a date?" Wesley finally asked in exasperation.

This time the chuckle wasn't hidden. "Because," Gunn purred, "I don't kiss on the first date. But I might on the second."

Wesley couldn't stop the smile that crossed his lips if his very life depended on it. "Okay, it's a date."

* * *  
Story 2  
* * *

\+ + In some cultures, what I do would be considered normal. + +

Alex Krycek came to the conclusion that he was having a really bad day. He had been hired by the Smoker to hunt down some idiot that had somehow managed to steal a vial of that damn Black Oil from a military installation. His orders: kill the bastard and destroy the virus.

Sure. No problem.

So like a good little minion, he had flown to L.A. and tried to do his job. But he hit a snag: the fucker wasn't human.

He'd tried damn near everything: shooting it in the head, shooting it in the heart, using regular bullets, using *silver* bullets. Nothing worked. The bastard would just get right back up again and go about his business, practically *daring* Alex to try again. The prick didn't even have the decency to even *notice* the poison that Alex had managed to slip into his drink.

*Why me? Why can't my life be easier? All I want to do is kill something and get paid for it. Is that too much to ask?*

He considered the problem for a moment, then smiled grimly. So the bastard wanted to play rough, did he? Fine. This time he'd use the C-4.

* * *

\+ + Joan of Arc heard voices too. + +

Not for the first time, Cordelia decided that if she ever met one of those "Powers that Be" that she would grab the nearest sledgehammer and show them exactly what their "gifts" felt like.

Pain flared through her skull as images flashed before her eyes. A demon, some sort of a disease? A warehouse. She cried out, then gratefully sank back against her sofa as the vision suddenly ceased.

She painfully reached for the phone. "Ohhh, why can't the PTB use a cell-phone like everyone else?"

* * *

\+ + I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia. + +

Alex had just finished wiring the warehouse with C-4 when he became aware that he was being followed. He stiffened slightly, then forced himself to relax and not give away the fact that he knew that he was being followed. He walked away casually, turning a corner. When his stalker followed, he pounced.

³Why are you following me?² he demanded, pinning his stalker against the side of the building.

The other man struggled uselessly against his hold. One armed or not, Alex knew that he was damn strong. ³I am not following you!² he protested indignantly, his British accent giving his words a dignity that others may not have been able to pass off.

Alex scoffed at that. ³How could I be following you when you were following *me*?"

"I *wasn't*..." The man broke off his words, looking over Alex's shoulder. "Angel!" he exclaimed, relief clearly visible on his face. "Do tell this madman that I was *not* following him..."

Alex glanced warily over his shoulder, still keeping a hold of the stalker, and found himself staring at the most beautiful man he had ever seen.

*Damn,* he thought, unable to tear his gaze away.

And from the equally hungry look he was receiving in Return, it seemed that he wasn't the only one who was Affected.

*Maybe L.A.'s not so bad after all...*

* * *

\+ + As I let go my feelings of guilt, I can get in touch with my inner sociopath. + +

Angelus stared at the sleeping mortal in his bed and smirked happily.

After they had blown up the warehouse containing both the doomsday virus and the demon who had stolen it it seemed that the bastard *could* die after all Angel and Alex had retired to Angel's bed for a little post-destruction celebration. Alex had quickly proved that assassinations were not his only skills, and Angelus had found himself returned to his body once more.

He grinned. *Bet Soul-Boy didn't expect this to happen.*

* * *

\+ + I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault. + +

"This all your fault."

Lindsey growled deep in his throat, neatly snapping a pencil in two to release some of his tension. He wished that it had been Lilah's neck instead.

"It's *your* fault," he snarled back. "You were the one that hired that demon to steal the virus!"

"You were the one who swore that Angel wouldn't interrupt our deal!" she hissed, her eyes flashing. "And look what happened!"

"How was I to know that someone had hired an assassin to destroy the virus? He was the one who led Angel to the warehouse, not me, Lindsey answered furiously.

"Am I interrupting anything?"

* * *

\+ + A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem. + +

Both Lindsey and Lilah froze at the sound of their boss' voice. "He did it," they said in unison, pointing their fingers in the direction of Bob, the office boy. Bob froze in terror. The senior partner entered the office, a faint smile of amusement curling his lips. "Really?" he said, leaning against the wall. "I just want to congratulate you two on making Angel lose his soul. Hiring that assassin was a fine piece of work."

"Ah, thank you, sir," Lilah replied, sounding as dazed as Lindsey felt.

Lindsey sank back into his chair, blinking in surprise. *Angel lost his soul?* He thought for a moment about everything that he had ever read about Angelus, the Scourge of Europe. *Is that really a *good* thing?*

* * *

\+ + I will honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws. + +

It was definitely time to paint the town red. Literally.

Finally, Angelus was free of that pesky soul and the conscience it came with. No more guilt and brooding for him. The real question was where to start. There were so many options.

Wait a minute, he knew exactly where to go first. There were two certain lawyers he wanted to thank personally for his new soulless state.

Angelus grinned. It was going to be a fun night.

* * *

The End

  
Archived: 11:02 03/25/01 


End file.
